The Bunny Is Coming (The Holidays #4) Read online

  * * *

  “Sweet mother of God, what are you wearing?” I whisper in awe as I pause in the doorway and stare wide-eyed at Noel, standing in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips.

  “You like?” she asks in a sultry voice, sliding her hands up the sides of her pink satin corset and cupping her tits, which are spilling out of the top of it.

  I take a second to scan her from head to toe. Along with the corset, she’s wearing a pair of pink stiletto fuck-me heels, a pink satin thong, and white, furry bunny ears on top of her head.

  She slowly turns her body at the waist, looking at me over her shoulder as she shakes her ass and the little white bunny tail attached to her thong.

  “Holy shit, I definitely like,” I tell her, my dick swelling in my pants, as I hastily make my way across the kitchen towards her, jerking to a stop when I see something out of the corner of my eye. “WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT?”

  Noel sighs when I quickly start to back away, moving to stand in front of me and block whatever the hell that thing was from my sight.

  She grabs my face in her hands and tilts it down to meet her eyes.

  “Don’t look at the bunny on the island, just look at me. Concentrate on me,” she tells me in a soft, soothing voice.

  Noel moves her body closer to mine until I can feel all her sexy heat against me, and I start to smile down at her until my eyes flicker back over to the island and I whimper.

  “No, no, no, don’t look over there. Just look at me. It’s just one of my dad’s blow-up bunnies and it can’t hurt you,” she tells me with a smile, forcing my face back to hers.

  “Why in the fuck is one of your dad’s bunnies in our kitchen, and why does it look like it was in a gang bang?” I ask, unable to stop looking at the thing over in the corner.

  It looks like E.T. did when Gertie dressed him up with a blonde wig, hat, and lipstick, except much more horrifying and monster-like. The blonde wig is a ratty mess falling down over the bunny’s face, sticking to the makeup caked all over it, and there’s one fake eyelash stuck to the thing’s cheek, and one right between its eyes, making it look like creepy as fuck spiders crawling all over the damn thing. The lipstick is smeared all up over one cheek, and I swear to Christ that thing is leering at me.

  “Aunt Bobbie wanted to say thank you for letting her stay here, so this was her way of doing it. She just assumed I hadn’t had time to decorate the house for Easter, so she brought over some of my dad’s bunnies and set them around the kitchen before she packed her stuff and left.”

  Noel’s hands slide off my cheeks, over my chest and down my stomach and around my waist, clutching my ass and pulling me flush against her. My dick is so confused right now it’s not even funny. I’m hard as hell for my wife in her sexy little bunny get-up, but JESUS CHRIST there are evil bunnies all over my fucking kitchen, watching everything we do. There’s one above the cabinets in a black wig staring down at us, one under the kitchen table peeking out between the chairs, and three in a cluster of evil bunny madness sitting in the sink.

  Before I know it, Noel has unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them down to my thighs, along with my boxer briefs, where I wiggle and help everything fall the rest of the way to my ankles. I close my eyes from the horror show all around me and groan when her hand wraps around my dick and starts sliding up and down the length. She kisses her way up the side of my neck and presses her lips to my ear.

  “I have a little surprise for you. It might come as a shock, so I thought I’d ease my way into it by getting you nice and relaxed,” she whispers, swiping her tongue against my earlobe, making my dick jump in her hand.

  “More shocking than killer blow-up bunnies in our kitchen?” I ask, opening my eyes and sliding my hands up her sides just like she did when I first walked in, cupping her breasts in my palms, running my thumbs over her nipples, which I can feel through the smooth satin of the corset.

  “The only blow you need to worry about right now is the one I’m going to give you,” she tells me, dropping to her knees in front of me.

  “Oh, holy fuck,” I moan loudly when she takes me into her mouth.

  She hums around my dick and the vibration shoots right to my balls, making me jerk my hips forward and deeper into her hot, wet mouth.

  “Fuck, baby, I love you,” I tell her, staring down at my gorgeous wife as she gives me the best blow job in the world, sliding her hand up and down right below her mouth as she bobs her head and sucks me hard.

  “NOEL, HONEY, ARE YOU HOME?”

  My hips jerk away from Noel and my dick falls out of her mouth with a pop as the front door slams closed and the click of Bev’s heels echo down the hallway.

  “WHY THE DEVIL IS YOUR FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED? YOU’RE JUST GONNA LET GOD AND EVERYONE WALK IN HERE WHENEVER THEY WANT?” Reggie shouts next.

  “Oh, shit! Oh, shit, shit, shit!” I stammer, realizing I have zero time to pull my pants up before my in-laws walk in here and find Noel on her knees and my dick flapping in the wind.

  I do what any normal man, who is slightly afraid of his father-in-law, would do. I waddle out of the kitchen as fast as possible with my pants around my ankles, forgetting all about the fact that my wife is half dressed in a sexy bunny costume and that she said something about a surprise that might come as a shock.

  “SAM! YOU SHIT STICK! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ALMOST MURDERED MATILDA?!” I hear Reggie bellow when I get to the bedroom, knowing he must have made his way into the kitchen and had seen the bunnies.

  “Ooooh, I’ve never tried dressing up as a bunny before, how fun!” I hear Bev say excitedly, groaning to myself knowing Noel is going to kill me for leaving her behind.

  “Is Sam into bestiality, Noel? Is that what’s going on here? Is he listening? Don’t worry; you don’t have to say anything. Blink once for yes, twice for no,” Reggie tells her.

  I’m guessing forgetting to inform me her parents were coming over is the shocking surprise Noel had for me. Quickly pulling up my pants, I make my way back out to the kitchen to deal with the wrath of my wife, as well as her father, who assumes I’m a bunny-stealing man who likes to have sex with animals.

  Chapter 5

  Penis Eggs

  Noel

  “I hate both of you right now,” I grumble, staring across my parent’s kitchen table at Scheva and Aunt Bobbie as they polish off God knows what number martini at this point.

  Drunk people are so fucking annoying when you have to be sober.

  Carefully pulling a hardboiled egg out of the pink dye in the cup in front of me, I lay it on a tray to dry next to the others I’ve already finished. I don’t care how old I get, one of my favorite parts about Easter is coming over to my parent’s house and coloring their Easter eggs for them.

  Resting my hand against my stomach, I smile to myself thinking about the baby Sam and I created and how much fun it will be to bring him or her over here to color eggs. Who knows, maybe I’ll even start decorating again and color eggs at our own house as well. This baby might just be what we needed to get rid of our holiday jinx.

  “Tell us again what happened last night, but do it slower and with more enthusiasm,” Aunt Bobbie tells me, burping loudly and then laughing hysterically at herself, which causes Scheva to fall into her own fit of laughter.

  My happiness flees and my smile falls as I glare at them across the sea of pink, purple, green, blue, and yellow eggs.

  “You already know your bright idea of dressing up as a sexy bunny and giving Sam a blow job to relax him before I broke the news that I’m pregnant didn’t work, so piss off,” I remind her.

  “Oh, don’t be such a twat,” Scheva scolds. “But seriously, tell me again how your husband ran from the room with his pants around his ankles and left you half naked in the kitchen for your parents to find when they stopped by to pick up all the Easter eggs we stuffed. And can you describe the exact shade of red Reggie’s face was when he saw all the drag bunnies in your kitchen?”

  It took
a half hour to calm my father down and stop him from strangling Sam when he thought he was the one responsible for the great bunny theft. Then it took another half hour convincing him not to immediately get in his car, drive back home where Aunt Bobbie was currently unpacking in their spare bedroom, and strangle her. And he kept going on and on about someone named Matilda almost dying. Honestly, I stopped paying attention somewhere in the middle and let Sam deal with it all since he’s a traitor who leaves his pregnant wife half-naked in the kitchen to save his own ass.

  Fine, so he doesn’t know about the pregnant part yet, but still. I’m very disappointed in him right now. Even so, I still need to figure out a way to tell him about the pregnancy. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes everything I smell makes me gag and he starts to wonder why I’m constantly running to the bathroom to throw up. It’s a wonder I didn’t throw up on his penis during my attempt at a blow job last night. I love my husband, and I really love his penis, but it was touch-and-go there for a while. You can never come back from puking on your husband’s dick.

  I’m not even sorry about what happened last night since the events stopped me from dick puking, aside from the twenty questions I got from my mother about what I thought would be hotter—her dressing up as an otter or as a sloth to have sex with my father.

  “Either of you idiots have any more bright ideas about how I should tell Sam?” I ask, quickly cutting off Aunt Bobbie when she opens her mouth. “And it can’t involve sex, costumes, or live animals of any kind.”

  “You’re such a buzzkill,” Aunt Bobbie mutters, leaning forward and using a spoon to lift a purple egg out of the cup in front of her and holding it up for us to see.

  Snatching it off the spoon, I close my eyes and count to ten before speaking.

  “Aunt Bobbie, they do not include those wax crayons in the egg dying kits for you to draw penises on all the eggs. Are you forgetting that mom has the neighborhood kids come over to find these eggs after Easter mass?” I remind her, wondering how in the hell she got so much detail on such a small area.

  “So, we’ll tell them it’s Gonzo’s nose from the Muppets. Muppets are still cool, right? Kids are dumb, they’ll totally believe it,” she replies, picking up the wax crayon and going to work on another egg.

  When I don’t immediately say anything, she pauses and looks up at me.

  “I mean, not all kids are dumb. I’m sure yours and Sam’s will be brilliant,” she reassures me.

  “Noel thought Sam was cheating on her when he couldn’t reach the top of the mountain, when the whole time it was because of his blood pressure medication,” Scheva states. “And he put his foster brother, Fat Ralph, in charge of fireworks at their wedding, which went off early, almost burned Sam’s dick off, and lit half the wedding attendants on fire.”

  Aunt Bobbie nods, giving me a sympathetic smile.

  “Sorry, Noel. That bun in your oven is going to be dumber than a box of rocks.”

  Resting my arms on the table in front of me, I smack my head down on top of them and groan.

  “What did I hear about buns and ovens?” my mom asks, my head whipping up when she walks into the kitchen.

  I shoot Aunt Bobbie and Scheva a panicked look, hoping to God they keep their mouths shut. It’s bad enough they found out about the pregnancy before Sam, if my mother finds out, everyone within a two-hundred-mile radius will know within the hour.

  “Oh, Noel was just telling us about how Sam’s ass is hotter than an oven, and that she’s absolutely not bulimic,” Scheva quickly states, shrugging at me and wincing when I stare at her with wide eyes.

  “I drew penises on all the eggs but we’re just going to tell the kids they’re Gonzo’s nose,” Aunt Bobbie says, holding up an egg right in front of my mother’s face. “Look at the penis egg, Beverly, LOOK AT IT!”

  My mother takes a step away from the penis egg, shaking her head at Aunt Bobbie as she sets a box down on the table in front of us.

  “I finished counting and separating all the filled eggs by color. We had a few too many, so I emptied the candy out of them and put them in a box. Noel, do you want to take them home and use them for anything?” she asks.

  “OH, MY GOD, YES! YOU CAN USE EASTER EGGS FOR SAM!” Scheva shouts, grabbing the box and pulling it closer to her.

  She looks up at the questioning look my mother is giving her and laughs uncomfortably.

  “You know, for like, sex stuff. I don’t know where she’s going to be putting these eggs, but Noel wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with an Easter theme.”

  Aunt Bobbie reaches across the table and pats my arm.

  “Just make sure you use lube. Don’t tell me how I know what happens when one of those eggs opens up when it’s in a warm, dark place. Just trust me. Use lube.”

  Ignoring my aunt like she usually does, my mom praises me for how pretty the eggs look, giving me a kiss on the head before she leaves the room.

  As soon as she’s gone, I smack Aunt Bobbie in the arm.

  “Hey, what was that for? Scheva is the one who tried to cover things up with kinky sex. I was just giving you a safety lesson. You should be thanking me right now,” she insists.

  “As I was saying,” Scheva says, lowering her voice and leaning across the table closer to me. “You can use these eggs to tell Sam you’re pregnant. Grab some paper and a pen and write down ten things you love about him, and on the last piece of paper, write something cute about how your love is growing by two feet, due to arrive in…however many months you have left before you have to push that thing out.”

  I can’t stop the sappy smile that takes over my face as I push back from the table and go in search of paper and a pen. This is actually a cute idea. When all the kids at church are searching for the eggs filled with candy, I can have Sam search for his own eggs in a separate part of the lawn.

  It will be perfect and cute. All of my trepidation about how he’s going to react to the news leaves me in a flash as I sit back down at the table and easily write down ten things I love about him.

  Chapter 6

  Goo

  Sam

  “This is the best Easter ever,” I tell Noel with a smile as I look up at her, grabbing her hips and helping her rock against me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  When we woke up a little bit ago, we still had over an hour before we needed to be at her parent’s house for Easter breakfast with the family before we went to church, and she suggested we kill some time before we got in the shower. She looked a little pale and like she wasn’t feeling well, but she quickly shed the tank top she wore to bed, flung her underwear across the room and climbed on top of me.

  Who am I to argue with that?

  She pushes up on her knees until my cock almost slides out of her, before slowly coming back down until I’m deep inside of her, making me moan with how good she feels. How good she always feels.

  “I’m fine, I swear,” she reassures me, answering my earlier question as she starts circling her hips until my eyes almost roll back into my head.

  Pushing myself up until I’m seated beneath her, I wrap my arms around her and she shifts her body without breaking our contact until her legs are around my hips. Sliding my hands down to her ass, I help her move as she drapes her arms around my shoulders.

  I push her up and down my cock, moving at a leisurely pace, bringing one hand between us and pressing my fingers to her clit. She throws her head back when I start circling my fingers as I thrust my hips up to meet her.

  “Oh, that wasn’t a good idea,” she suddenly mumbles, pulling her head back up, but keeping her eyes closed.

  My fingers stay still between her legs and I stop moving altogether as I look up at her.

  “You’re not fine, are you? You look really pale again,” I tell her, wondering why in the hell this cold and flu she’s been fighting just won’t go away.

  She immediately starts sliding her body up and down my cock again, giving me a reassuring smile.

&n
bsp; “Shhhhh, I’m fine. Just keep fucking me,” she whispers.

  There’s nothing hotter than Noel telling me to fuck her, and I start circling the tips of my fingers around her clit again, moving them faster when she starts to pant and her arms tighten their hold around my shoulders. My balls feel like they’re ready to explode with how warm and wet she is riding my cock and clutching the hair on the back of my head in her hands. Her hips start moving erratically and she whispers my name over and over as my fingers continue to play with her clit, pushing her closer to her orgasm.

  “That’s it, baby, let me feel you come,” I tell her, leaning forward to kiss my way up the side of her neck as I thrust up harder and faster.

  “Oh, no,” I hear her suddenly groan, making me pull my head back from her neck and stop moving again when I see her clamp her hand over her mouth.

  “What happened? What’s wrong?” I ask in a panicked voice.

  She drops her hand from her mouth.

  “You said come,” she states.

  “Um, I did indeed. Should I stop doing that? I thought you liked it?” I ask in confusion, wondering what’s happening right now, and knowing for a fact blue balls is the way I’m going to die.

  “I do, I swear!” she reassures me. “It’s really hot. But, this time, all I could think of when you said it was…goo. Goo in my mouth, goo sliding down my throat…uggghhclch.”

  The sound that comes out of her is part gag, part I don’t know what the fuck, and her hand flies right back up to cover her mouth.

  “Okay, maybe we should just pick this up later on since you’re currently grossed out by my come,” I tell her as I start to pull her off me.

  She quickly clamps her thighs tighter around my hips and shakes her head back and forth, moving her hand away once again.

  “I’m sorry! I’m not grossed out by your come, just come in general. It’s fine, it will pass. Keep fucking me and I’m sure I’ll forget all about it in no time.”